Dedicated and it Feels so Good....

Anyone born in the 70's should remember their parents listening to that song, "Reunited and it Feels so Good....", or am I the only one? Anyway, as I think about Esther's baby dedication tonight, that's what I started humming. Dedicated and it Feels so Good...it DOES feel good! It was a great time to set apart and have scripture read over her and our little family (along with other families) and to know that our church is aware that we exist and need to be stood alongside in raising these girls in God's will, even if that means we're here in Utah. That's what hit me as I avoided looking into the camera so my big red head wouldn't shine on the big screen...even if and ESPECIALLY if we are living in Utah, I need to feel like I'm not alone here. That was something else that hit me (it was supposed to be all about Esther tonight, but things kept hitting me like a ton of bricks) that my focus needs to shift off of the fact that we don't blend into the culture here and onto the ONE that brought us here. All along, I thought E was our ticket out of here, that something would happen to allow us to live where it was warm and we would be more easily accepted. I know we did come here to get her, but I also can feel in my gut that she's just the beginning. God has really been working on my heart since landing here and I know I buck and ignore, continuing along with my own agenda in hopes that I can convince Him that my way would be best.
What a joke...and tonight I am grateful for that insight.

So now as I look back on the "special"ness of the evening, I'm in knots with emotion. I am not mourning, but for lack of a better word, maybe missing, those that weren't here to share the moment with us. I'm contemplative over feeling like we put ourselves out there and I hope it evolves into people really, truly loving and praying alongside us as we attempt to raise these girls in an authentic environment....screwing up, practicing grace, mercy, love, and forgiveness. I'm grateful for the people that went out of their way to join us, as for me, especially, it was a unique moment, a confirmation of my dream of adoption truly coming to fruition. And finally, my heart is heavy with thoughts of E's birthmom and the fact that tonight is one more thing she missed. Sometimes its hard for my heart and mind to reconcile that my gain (E's presence in all of our lives) may be another's loss. May God give us both the peace and strength to walk our journeys....
dedicated and it feels so good...:)