Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Come When You Can

I signed up for the "come when you can" summer bible study on forgiveness. I missed the first one due to summer camp schedules and showed up 30 minutes late to today's. I almost didn't go...almost, then C says mom, let's go check it out. That was brave considering the last time she went to a "come when you can", she ended up hiding under a table crying, and eating an undetermined amount of cheese slices to coax her out....good times.

So, we show up, all 4 of us and I didn't want to go in. My hair is icky, I smell from switching to non anti-perspirant deodorant, and I've been with kids non stop for 12 days and counting. Not a good time to be late and have all 24 eyes glance at me politely as they move their chairs to the side to make way for the late one.

The leader asked someone to read the scripture, got me a book, and a slew of pencils for some kind of unknown marking system to show the importance of who was talking when. It was confusing, the conversation was not.

The author was talking about how Joseph, after 22 years, had forgiven his brothers for selling him into slavery. I've never been sold into anything, except maybe Amway, and my mom used to say she would sell me for a barrel of monkeys and shoot the monkeys, and I remember my dad couldn't wait for me to go to college/sell me into college so my room could be turned into an office. I showed him, I went to college and one-upped him, I got married. Had he not moved and divorced my mom, I guess he would have had his office.

I don't know, this whole idea of forgiveness is tough. Just when I think I have forgiven the people that have hurt me, something will happen to bring up all those unwanted and confusing feelings. Joseph wept. He wept so loud they called it wailing and said the people in the city could hear him. I know that cry.

What I don't know is how to begin to trust those that I have forgiven. Joseph ended up not only trusting, but taking care of his brothers and their families. How did that happen? He focused on the Healer. The One that mends unmendable fences. What I love and yet find so frustrating at the same time, is that it took 22 years. It was a process, both a figurative and literal journey.

A polite chick with great hair and a nice tan brought up the fact that forgiveness does not always equal reconciliation. That's where I'm stuck. I want the reconciliation and if you could be so kind as to give it to me yesterday, that would be great. I want the good times. The forgiveness is on me, that's my part. In our little family, when someone offends the other we apologize and the injured party says I forgive you. When decades of dysfunction and hidden agendas and lies and hurt feelings come to play, the bases are loaded but it seems everyone that comes to bat strikes out. I am tired of striking out. I want to call a tie, shake hands, and have a beverage. I'm sure Joseph wanted that as well, but God had more in store for him. So instead of reconciliation, I am going to focus on restoration. A restoration of my soul focusing on the Healing one that doesn't want me to only "come when I can", but wants me to come all the time, first and always.

Susan wept.

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Bye-Bye 2nd & 3rd grade!!!

This post is a bit behind, but since the sun is finally shining and summer is getting upon us I want to make sure we have recollections of the last school year!
This was our family's first experience in a brand new charter school, Providence Hall in Herriman, Ut (the girls told me to be sure to put the state so we remembered where we live:).
With the charter school experience came uniforms and the IB curriculum. This year was a pivotal year for both, but C especially, who flourished under the direction of Miss Collett! R experienced an attachment to Miss Bevans and a profound sadness at the end of the year that only a Little Mermaid summer acting camp could counter!
The following are some highlights....
Favorite school project: Tree Art & Plays
Favorite subjects:
C-Writing, Math, Art
Least favorite activity/subject: Centers because they're boring...
Favorite pals:
C-Megan & Mary
R-Laura & Abby
New things they tried:
R-Ears Pierced!
Things they liked to eat this year:
C-bananas & pizza
Favorite activity:
C-Ice Cream Party
One thing they both are looking forward to this summer-Camp Wilson!!!
8 more weeks and we'll be experiencing the joys of 3rd & 4th grades!

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

Dinner Unserved & Already Ruined

Since I have backed off a lot of activity, and when I say activity-I mean work....I have had more time at home to be more overwhelmed by never ending laundry and to try to actually cook dinner-HA! Am I the only one that preps for a meal knowing full well that the one preparing (me) is the only one that will enjoy the tasty morsels that have taken 3 trips to the grocery store (one of them located in Nevada) to prepare for? I know my Big Game will most likely have to make a Carl's Jr run and/or sport an emergency nacho after nodding over how its not the worst thing he's eaten. Why then am I still preparing it? I am pmsing for one and feeling orinery. Yet I am at odds with how much energy I'm putting into it when I am pretty sure I know the end result. So, if anyone wants rice noodles, water chestnuts, brocoli, carrot shreds with sesame steak sauteed and served with a side of scrumptious Oriental salad let me know I'll save you some-I'm sure there will be PLENTY of leftovers (insert pix of horns holding up my halo here):)