Roses are red...

As I pulled into the driveway after MOPS this afternoon, I noticed a car in front of our mailbox. I wasn't expecting anyone and I assumed it was somebody trying to sell something. I hesitantly walked out front, E in tow, and this jolly fellow asked if I was Susan. Why, yes indeed, that's me...now what are you going to sell me and how did you know my name? Well, ma'am (there's that stinkin' ma'am again) I have some flowers for you. For meeeee...?? I said that in my most southernly drawl. Yes, for me. Oh the joys of flower delivery!! So, I have to brag since it is so rare and here's a picture of my Valentine flare!!

The flowers with the key to my honey's heart draped around the vase were enough, but I have to share what he wrote on the card (for posterity, of course).

Uhhh, hummm (thats me clearing my throat...)

If raindrops fell upon my head,

If lightning flashed and thunder said,

This is your hour, what would you do?

I'd close my eyes, and think of you...

Minute after minute,

'til my hour was through....

OK SERIOUSLY!!! I know its so very Valentine Day cliche, but so very, very sweet and I know thunder doesn't talk, but man if it did...

If you know Big Game, you know this is completely out of character and SO TOTALLY APPRECIATED!!!

I'd close my eyes and think of you...SERIOUSLY!!

The Old Jew

Our bs leader asked us the question, "What would you give up for God?". We are doing Beth Moore's study of Esther and all week I've been asking myself that question. As I open the container of Trader Joe's Dark Covered Chocolate Espresso beans-could I give those up? My favorite bottle of wine? My home? My car? Job? Heat? My favorite Uggs? Blogging?
The kids...ALL of them? James, the one who has wiped me before I was even in the nursing home (tmi-I know)?
I know that Mordecai put a lot on the line not bowing down to Haman. Lets face it though, the relevancy of an old Jewish guy doesn't really play out in our Land Rover suburban world...or does it?
Last May I gave up wheat and dairy...I'm not gonna lie...it sucks. I didn't do it for God though. Last year James and I chose to give of ourselves in opening our hearts and home to a new baby (no pat on the back required, just mentioning as an example)....that we felt like we did do for God. The thing of it is, when you're giving up something for God, in my experience, it hasn't felt like a sacrifice...until that thing starts crawling, pulling laptops onto the floor, taking steps from a soft couch into a hard coffee table, paying double for babysitters...you get the drift...NOW its beginning to feel like sacrifice. I don't know, as Mordecai paced the gates to check on Esther and her well being as she waited to see the king, maybe that wasn't such a sacrifice since he seemed to already be there. But when Haman told him to bow down and he refused, wasn't he putting his reputation, his job...his life on the line?

If everyone I knew and all I had burnt to the ground, would I still praise Him?

Good question...hope I never have to answer it, but will practice doing just that in the little things (like the hair loss and the broken scale-it MUST be broken...:)!

I may have to make a t-shirt that says Going Bald for Jesus..it may catch on and now we've come full circle, bringing us back to the old Jew...he had to have been bald...

What would you give up? (besides this blog...:)

Dedication Pix

The verse we chose...

Proud big sisters!

Proud mama & E!

All of us on stage listening intently while E flirts with the audience:)

Dedicated and it Feels so Good....

Anyone born in the 70's should remember their parents listening to that song, "Reunited and it Feels so Good....", or am I the only one? Anyway, as I think about Esther's baby dedication tonight, that's what I started humming. Dedicated and it Feels so Good...it DOES feel good! It was a great time to set apart and have scripture read over her and our little family (along with other families) and to know that our church is aware that we exist and need to be stood alongside in raising these girls in God's will, even if that means we're here in Utah. That's what hit me as I avoided looking into the camera so my big red head wouldn't shine on the big screen...even if and ESPECIALLY if we are living in Utah, I need to feel like I'm not alone here. That was something else that hit me (it was supposed to be all about Esther tonight, but things kept hitting me like a ton of bricks) that my focus needs to shift off of the fact that we don't blend into the culture here and onto the ONE that brought us here. All along, I thought E was our ticket out of here, that something would happen to allow us to live where it was warm and we would be more easily accepted. I know we did come here to get her, but I also can feel in my gut that she's just the beginning. God has really been working on my heart since landing here and I know I buck and ignore, continuing along with my own agenda in hopes that I can convince Him that my way would be best.
What a joke...and tonight I am grateful for that insight.

So now as I look back on the "special"ness of the evening, I'm in knots with emotion. I am not mourning, but for lack of a better word, maybe missing, those that weren't here to share the moment with us. I'm contemplative over feeling like we put ourselves out there and I hope it evolves into people really, truly loving and praying alongside us as we attempt to raise these girls in an authentic environment....screwing up, practicing grace, mercy, love, and forgiveness. I'm grateful for the people that went out of their way to join us, as for me, especially, it was a unique moment, a confirmation of my dream of adoption truly coming to fruition. And finally, my heart is heavy with thoughts of E's birthmom and the fact that tonight is one more thing she missed. Sometimes its hard for my heart and mind to reconcile that my gain (E's presence in all of our lives) may be another's loss. May God give us both the peace and strength to walk our journeys....
dedicated and it feels so good...:)

To Do's Before Death

So, the 7 year old came home with a list of things she wanted to do before she died. ARE you kidding me?? This is the same class that did epitaphs as a fun Halloween project under the umbrella of craft...am I seeing a pattern here?
Anyway, as I read it, I could not only relate, but holy cow, she's spot on with what she's good at and what we have said she should consider as she gets older. So, I thought I'd share and since I've been promised that my blogs will be printed every Christmas, its a posterity thing and I'll have a hard copy of it to remind her of it when she wants to quit school at 14 and become a gypsy....something that is currently on my things I wished I would have done list....jk...sort of....

Here goes:
1. Go to Montana (because that's where Hannah lives...but of course)
2. Grow out some hair
3. Go to college (her teacher wrote by it Great Goal!...ya think??)
4. Sing on stage (ummm....no comment)
5. Get a job (this is one when she is 25 living at home that I will definitely be pulling out)
6. Be a Cheerleader
7. Be a vet
8. Ride a horse
9. Go to Sea World
10. Go see my cousins
11. Go see Miley Cyrus
12. Go to Disneyland
13. Dance
14. Be a Teacher (her teacher wrote The Best Job Ever!)
15. Cell Phone (??)
16. Meet Zach Effron and Vanessa
17. Meet horses (I see a trend...)
18. Be in a movie (you go girl, who doesn't??)
19. Be a fashion designer (her teacher wrote You Would Be Great at That and anyone who has seen her on a day that she dresses herself not in school uniform would know that she definitely has her OWN style:))
20. Be a soccer player

In closing, what I find interesting is that she HAS done a lot of these things already. What I hope for her is that she NEVER stops doing them all:) Love you #2!!

A Case of the Mondays...

Anyone ever see Office Space? As I was drowsily falling asleep to it last night, I remember thinking "That's why I HATED working in an office!" Those opening few scenes where the main character dude did his cover sheet to the report wrong and EVERYONE had to not only correct him, but make sure that he read the memo, and even when he said he did read the memo, they asked him again, and told him to be sure he did it right the next time. WHY on earth do people make sure to tell you when you've screwed up and not just once, multiple times? Does it make them feel better about themselves...that they've read the memo and followed its easily forgettable instructions?
So, this morning it happens to be Monday. I don't dislike Mondays, but when my phone rang and it was my work asking me to explain something I'd done (even though they knew exactly what it was), I frowned at my spouse as he cheerily says, "Somebody's got a Case of the Mondays...!" I may have flipped him off in my head, don't tell anyone.

AND that is why having HBO in HD may not be best for marital bliss, although Big Love is quite entertaining, doesn't do anything for the marriage except make my him grateful he has only 1 wife AND that is why we haven't cancelled the prior stated channel.

A case of the Mondays...hopefully a case of the Tuesdays is sarcasm and mean-spirited free!