Mary and the Mass

The mammo got moved up to yesterday afternoon. After volunteering at school, a trip to Target, and lunch with a friend, I ended up going alone and reading several delightful articles in the magazine Allure. The squishing itself was not alluring, but meeting the intake nurse, Mary, was an experience I won't soon forget. She basically balked at any concern I had and at the end of her exam told me to stand up, place my arms at my side, lift my left arm to touch my right elbow, and said feel that? I said yes, that's my elbow..to which she replied, that's a lump. She may as well had called me an idiot and kicked me to the curb and I so wanted to pull out the line from that Office movie and say, "Sounds like somebody's gotta case of the Mondays..." But it was Tuesday and she didn't look like she watched anything without Matlock in it.

So, after recovering from that, the radiologist told me everything looked normal-no pre-cancerous calcium deposits to be seen-Praise God!!
When I spoke to the surgeon's assistant today, she said THE MASS (she really did emphasize it like that, it was quite disturbing, like something Quentin Tarrantino would have a character say...I digress) could not be seen on imaging. That is what we expected and even though it can't be seen doesn't mean it's not there, so we will be scheduling another consult in a couple weeks to see how to proceed.

I can't tell you how many emails, phone calls, texts, hyeroglyphics (sp?) of encouragement I have received since I put the 911 out there. Thank you to each and every one of you for showing you care and for praying. There are so many people worse off than me and its humbling to be loved so openly. I asked a friend today, what would happen if we rallied in prayer for each other like this all of the time, even when no crisis is hiding in the wings? Her response was that would be totally awesome! I agree and hope that we can practice that together.

Be well and thanks for continuing in prayer:)!!

Happy Familyversary!

One year ago today we officially became a family of 5!!! James and I met E for the first time in a tiny hotel room in Texas and man, this year has crawled and flown by all at the same time! So, today in honor of 4 becoming 5, E decided to take 3 steps towards me without holding on to anything and before I could grab any sort of camera, she sat down! Soon enough she'll be racing around on those cute chubs of hers!

To the ones I hold the tightest...J, C, R & E, I love you more than words can say and have embraced this past year with all its ups, downs, and round abouts! To my girls especially, thank you for giving your dad and I such joy and causing us to grow so much within ourselves and for keeping us on our toes and knees all at the same time! You three are sisters for life and we never want you to forget that.

Happy Familyversary-the Nelson fam rocks!

Today I met Erika

I know a lot of Erika's. I went to high school with one, college with one, and worked my first post-college job with one. Today I met another one and she's a mom and happens to be a breast surgeon. How does one become a breast surgeon with a name like Erika spelled with a k? I don't know, but man am I glad it was her small framed blue eyed confidence that greeted me in my paper thin, hey I gotta boob lump, and why is everything in the waiting room referring to cancer or masectomy's state this afternoon.
After doing an exam and asking a bunch of questions, this is what Erika said...

First, there's a lump. It's measuring 2.5 X 1.5 cm and she sent me home with a handy dandy diagram of its placement.
Second, she's 98-99% sure that lump SHOULD be cancer free. It is not grainy. It is not like a hard pea or bee shape. It seemed to move around and go away when pushed on.
Third, she doesn't want to take any chances with that 1 to 2%, so she offered several scenarios.

I can wait 3 months and see if it changes sizes. I can come back at a different time in my cycle in a couple weeks and see if it changes sizes. I can have a breast MRI which usually causes mass panic and chaos in patients like me due to the false positives it creates which cause more rollercoaster biopsy's to take place. She can not take a biopsy of this current lump due to its peek-a-boo instinct and it would be a "blind biopsy". I can have her surgically remove it or leave it in and watch it.

This is the action plan we're going with...I'm going to get the previously scheduled mammo to see if it shows anything, but usually fibro cystic tissue looks like bone on ultrasounds and mammos, which is why they didn't see anything in the already done ultrasound. Then why am I getting the test obviously created by a man that likes to squish things? Because she is looking for calcium deposits that could be a sign of pre-cancerous cells.
If mammo shows nothing, I go on day 5 of next cycle for another exam. We evaluate findings and if has not shrunk or gone away, she will be taking it out.

In addition, she is checking the last round of blood work that my general dr did to see if he did a prolactin test. Apparently, all this leakage I've had for the last 6 years post breast feeding days that I have announced hilariously that I could feed a 3rd world country on one side is not ok. I have talked each year with my obgyn about it and never had them concerned...this is why I am embracing this Erika. So, there's a possibility that I could have a USUALLY benign tumor on my pituitary gland (btw-thats located in the brain) that could be causing this wow, my shirt was dry until I bent over, effect. I am hoping it also causes a big ass, thick thighs, and a loud mouth!

It seems I am learning a couple huge life lessons. First, I am not to be taking anything for granted and the passion that I feel to meet God on my closet floor while in crisis needs to be something I do daily. Second, my measure of what is good and bad is no longer as black and white as it was last Monday. Its all different shades of grey now. Hey, you have a lump and cysts. Now your cysts are good, still have a lump. Think the lump could be nothing, but cancer isn't predictable, here's your choices. Oh, by the way, may have a tumor in your brain, no need to panic since its usually benign. See what I mean? Good, bad, ugly, and the only constant is Him.

I will post more on this after mammo results come in. As always, thanks for continued love, support, and prayers!

Snap, Crackle, Pop

The Rice Krispy theory has paid off!!! The pap came back normal...cysts be gone, apparently they were they to ward off evil-who knows? Praise GOD!!! I plan on taking a deep breathe and possibly getting a mani/pedi because we all know nothing says hey the cysts are good and I have a lump that's getting checked out better than nail polish!

Have a great weekend and thanks for continued prayers!

Pre-Mammo Cancellation

The surgeon's office just called to say they had a cancellation, but I can't get my mammo done prior to the appt. Something told me to go, take the appt, have her evaluate the ultrasound and what she feels. So, Monday, 12:45pm mst-consult with breast surgeon..

Thanks for praying! I'll post what I find out-do your exams ladies!!!

Dates

First, I want to thank all of you that have become available to walk with me through this! In the midst of all of our busy lives and swine flue outbreaks it never ceases to amaze me that when the chips are down for another, someone steps in to fill the gap. My gap is overflowing with the love I am feeling from each and every one of you...thank you!

So, the drs office called this am and they scheduled the diagnostic mammo for Thursday, May 7th at 10am MST. I want them to see nothing except a big giant boob. I am rebuking anything else and I am asking that you do the same!

After that lovely torture, I am persistently pestering the breast surgeon to move up my appt from the current time of May 27th at 10am MST. 26 days from today-Happy Freaking May Day??!! I think not, hence the pestering...

Nothing back on the pap, again, those little cysts need to be Rice Krispies that snap, crackle, pop their way back to wherever they came from!

I am putting the stinkin' time zones for the dates because I want to be specific in prayer and although He knows the outcome, He knows the tornado of emotions I'm in now, He also wants us to come to Him and know that He is God. I'm here, please join me and wake me when this ride is over:)

Love yourself today-be well!

S

Lumps and Bumps

I am a huge advocate of going to the yearly female appt...up until now, when they don't go smoothly. As I was sticking my cold toes into the oven mitts the obgyn hilariously keeps over the stirrups, I felt this weird calm. Even my blood pressure was normal, which NEVER happens at the drs office. It was as if I wasn't even there...maybe I wasn't. When a dr looks at you and says, "Can you feel that?" I can't describe what goes through your mind. I of course said no and then she led me to it. I have lumps and bumps all the time. I am a classic fibrous tissue boob chick and never know when to panic...until now. So, off to St. Mark's for the ultrasound and nothing is to be found, which I thought was a good thing, but apparently we aren't out of it yet. So, as I journey through a mammogram and a breast surgeon consult I ask you to pray with me. Pray that I am not paralyzed by fear. Pray that I have complete healing (both mental and physical). Pray that I remember I serve an awesome God who loves me.
If you are local and see me, I might need a hug. I'm vulnerable, I'm out there and not really loving it (Seinfeld fans insert laughter here). And if you haven't been to your "yearly"...please go. I love you sisters and we need to take care of ourselves, for each other and our families!

Will post more when I know something...this part is the part when I usually ask to get off the roller coaster, but if I have to stay on, thanks for holding my hand and riding with me as I scream through it...pray, pray, pray...!!